Tuesday, April 24, 2012

YOU'VE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, you read that right....you've won.  Well, not you - the person reading this, but some people have won.  What have they won?  Well, I have compiled a short list of people who will be first in line for a quick little buzzing from my handy dandy new taser (when I get it).

In all fairness, before I begin my list, I must tell you that the husband and the daughter are convinced that I am a bit on edge lately.  It may be (as they believe) because I am graduating soon.  It may be because my tolerance for bullshit gets lower as I get older.  OR it may just be one of those kinds of weeks/months. 

Anyway, here we go...

1. The person in first place (there's actually two...both from the past week).  There is a sign on a certain road advising you that the right lane ends.  I believe there may even be two signs.  So, as you are driving along in the right lane apparently either ignoring the fact that the lane ends or believing that you own the road so it doesn't matter if there are other cars (they should, of course, stop for you), do not be surprised when you receive a friendly "little" jolt from my damn taser.  REALLY, YA DAMN IDIOT?!?!?  The sign is there for a reason.  Your lane ends.  And the guy yesterday...yeah, I slowed down so he could get over.  He, being god's gift to the world of course, continued to poke along in the right lane...you know, the lane that ends.  So, I sped up.  Yeah, guess what he did then?!?!?  He also sped up and THEN thought it would be a good idea to flip me off AND ride my ass.  That didn't work out so well for him....I mind tased him multiple times and then slammed on my brakes just for good measure.

2. I get breakfast from the cafeteria here almost everyday.  Not only do I get breakfast almost everyday, my order is almost always the same.  By almost always, I mean 98% of the time.  Yesterday, I placed my order, and the girl served it up in my happy little container.  I took it to the register where there was a different cashier than normal.  We'll call her Bitchy Bertha.  There's a rule that you have to open your container so the cashier can see what you ordered.  I have no problem with that.  Like always, I open the container and fire off what I ordered which happened to be eggs, half tots and two bacon.  Bitchy Bertha looks at me (obviously begging for a tase) and says, "That's not a half order of tots."

I calmly look at her and state, "I ordered eggs, half tots and two bacon.  This is what I was given."

Bitcy Bertha hikes her fat ass up on her stool so that she can be eye level with me and says, "Well, it's not half tots and I'm charging you for a full order."

At this point I charged the taser (or at least the one in my mind).  I have no problem with you charging me whatever you feel is necessary UNLESS you're going to be a complete prick about it.  So, being the charming person that I am, I took a handful of my tots out of my container and placed them on her cash register and said, "There, is that better?"

These are the current winners of the first tasing....please stay tuned for more...

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic! I am dying over you placing the tots on the register... awesome. What did she do at that point? :D