Monday, April 30, 2012

T-4...What Next?

That is the $57,500 (plus 6% interest) question, now isn't it?  What next?  In 6 weeks I will have completed four years of college and have obtained a Bachelor's of Science with an emphasis in Accounting.  Yes, I will have a piece of paper stating I have mastered BS.  The best part is, I will be paying through the nose for it.  Ugh.

I have no idea what to do now.  Most people would go look for a new job.  Maybe I should. But, there in lies the problem.  I have a job.  I have a job that I usually (sometimes....for the most least occasionally) like.  The flaw, of course, is that part of the point of college was to ensure that I would be able to support my family.  Well, I just tacked another bazillion dollars of debt onto us.  Therefore, I have to do something, now don't I?

Here's where it gets really hairy though.  I have to factor in all of the benefits of my current job.  I won't share them all here - that's my business.  I can assure you, I have made multiple pros and cons lists.  The damn shame is, I still don't have an answer.

*sigh*  Aren't things suppose to be easier once you have a degree?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

T-5 and counting....

It is a bit weird and maybe even a bit surreal.  In 5 days I will be graduating from college - with a Bachelor's Degree.  I realize that this may seem like no big deal to most people, but then, I'm not most people.

Some of you may know my (pitiful) story, others may not.  Let me enlighten you.  I went to MSU the fall after I graduated from high school.  I had BIG dreams and BIGGER goals.  My intent was to double major/double minor.  I was going to major in accounting and music and minor in dance and computers.  Stupid?  Maybe, but it covered everything for me.  My dream was to own my own dance studio.  With the accounting degree, I figured I could work until I made enough money to open the studio and then I would be able to handle the business end by myself.  The music part was (is) just because I love music and am pretty sure I cannot function without it.  Computers?  Well, computers and technology are forever changing and I felt that it was important that I was educated. 

I failed.  Miserably.  Embarrassingly.  No, I'm not kidding.  I flunked out.  I didn't have the discipline or the know how.  I won't make excuses.  I screwed up.  I decided after that that I would take a year off.  I should have.  I didn't.  I ended up staying in the area and registering at the community college. Ha.  Guess what?!  I failed again.  Again, no excuses, I (continued to) screwed up.

I gave up after that .  Obviously, I was never going to get through college so I would just be a working stiff.  I worked. I played.  I had a baby.  I got married.  I had another baby.  I decided to try the community college again.  Seriously?!?  WTF is wrong with me?!?!  I tried this time.  I really did.  I got a little study group.  I worked.  I hated the "teacher."  He was like 5 years younger than me a dumb ass to boot.  Care to guess how that ended up?  Yep, another failure.

In 2008 my happy little world changed - drastically.  I had spent close to 7 years working 12-14 hour days between my "real" job and coaching.  In March of 2008 that changed.  I was no longer coaching.  Apparently, I was almost intolerable.  First, I had to adjust to not seeing my gym girls every day.  Then I had to adjust to not having anything to do.  Do you know me?  I am a constant movement kind of person.  I am ALWAYS doing something.  I do not think it is possible for me to just sit for the most part.  

I spent 3 1/2 months aggravating my family, getting fat, being semi-depressed and then I made a decision.  I decided I was going to go back to school again.  There were multiple reasons behind that decision - the most obvious being that I needed something to occupy myself.  The other reasons will remain my secret for now.  I searched the internet and did endless research trying to figure out how I could do this.  I finally settled on the University of Phoenix.  

Many people (even now) will doubt my decision.  Many people believe my degree is worth less than a degree from a "real" college.  I'm to the point now where I'm ok with that.  I make a lot of decisions that people don't agree with - always have.  The bottom line is that they are my decisions to make as it is my life. 

I have spent the last 4 years with only 10 weeks of "vacation" from school.  I have written more papers than all four years of high school and my 3 previous attempts at college combined.  I have cried more and spent more late nights working on homework than ever before.  Finally, I can see the end.  

I have 6 weeks of school left.  I graduate in 5 days and have 1 class left after graduation.  I will have an obscene amount of debt when I am done, but I will finally be able to say that I graduated from college.  I will be a college graduate.  For me, this is monumental, in some ways a dream come true.  I finally overcame an obstacle that for years I believed I would never be able to get past.  

I have survived.  I have accomplished.  I am a Phoenix.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Dumb Ass of the Day

I've decided I'm changing the name of my blog.  The new title will be "Dumb Ass of the Day."  I am forced to endure far too many interactions with dumb asses, so I surely think there should be a blog so everyone can appreciate them.  What do you think?

For example, it is now 12:11 p.m. on Friday.  FRIDAY, DAMMIT!  IT'S FRICKIN FRIDAY!  As stated in my previous blog, Fridays should be entirely clear of morons.  However, as that is not the case, I shall continue my list of people who need to be tased and determine where they fall on the list of Dumb Asses of the Day.  I'll have to figure out how to rate these idiots.

Another enlightening phone call....

"Hi, I have an account with you. The account number is blah blah blah."

I pulled up the account, note that the insurance company left a copay and deductible and prepare myself for the endless list of excuses. I ask her to verify her name and DOB which she does with very little trouble (you would be surprised how many people have issues with this). Then she starts....

"This is actually workers comp."

Can I mention to you that the claim is from September?  As in from 7 months in we have been sending her bills for 6 months. So, I ask the stupidest question ever...."Ok, did you give this information to anyone at the time of service?"

Moron - "Well, no.  I didn't think I needed to give anyone all of that.  I just figured you guys would figure it out."

It is at this point that I ponder stabbing myself with my scissors but instead envision her being jolted with my phone taser. I say to her, very calmly I might add, "No, contrary to popular belief, we are not mind readers.  If you want us to bill someone other than the insurance you gave us at the time of service, you should probably let us know."

Moron - "Well you don't have to be all snippy about it." (Can you sense my eye rolling)

I got her stupid workers comp info and took care of it.  But SHEESH WTF?!?!?!  Seriously???  Yes, yes, you are a dumb ass.

Taser Friday?

Right, so it's 8:13 on Friday morning.  I should not have to charge the taser.  I think it should be against the law - this should be a federal law mind you - for stupid people to even breathe on Fridays (and Saturdays, and Sundays, and Mondays, and....).  I've determined my first official business after I finish school (in 7 weeks, by the way) will be to use my new bachelor's degree to figure out how to create a phone taser.

Yes, you heard me correctly.  I think this will be a great seller and a big hit with those of us poor saps that deal with bill collection.  I, personally, also think it would be a pretty decent seller as an add-on with cell phone purchases.  Just think - if your husband, wife, daughter, son, mother-in-law, etc. is pissing you off by saying something aboslutely ignorant on the phone, you can just tap a little button and they get a bit of a jolt.  How is that not perfect?  Granted, people would most likely completely stop calling me (which is fine - I hate talking on the phone anway).

So, here's what set off this rant today.  I checked the voicemail this morning and of course we have Captain Douchebag calling in telling us how stupid we are because he doesn't have f&*$ing medicaid, just f&%$ing medicare.  I checked out his account.  Sure enough, we billed medicare, they left a copay, we billed medicaid - TO TRY TO HELP HIM OUT - since he used to have it.  Medicaid denied, we billed him.  Regardless, on the voicemail he called us stupid about 7 times. 

Now, here's the thing, you can call me just about anything and I can handle it.  I am called a bitch, a fucking bitch, an asshole, etc. on a daily basis.  No big deal.  When you call me stupid, though, the fucking gloves come off.  I assure you, Captain Douchebag, I am NOT stupid.  I'm also 95% sure that I am FAR more educated than you can even dream of being.

I decided to call Captain Douchebag at 7:55 this morning - yes, I purposely called him before 8 just to be an asshole.  He answered the phone and this is how the conversation went....

"This is Captain Douchebag."

"Hi, Mr. Captain Douchebag, this is Jamie from (my work) returning your phone call from yesterday."

He is, of course, not quite awake, "Oh, right, oh. Ummm."

I, being the angel that I am, "helped" him out. "I believe you had a question about your bill?"

And now begins the fun part.....

Captain Douchebag takes a deep breath and in a shakey voice states, "Oh yeah, well, I'd love to pay you, but God told me that I am going to be dead before Saturday. So, I won't be able to pay you."

I am obviously taken a bit by surprise on this one, however, I can't resist a jab or two...."I see.  Did God also tell you to tell us how stupid we are?"

We now have full blown tears from CD. "No, no, no, you're not stupid.  You're not stupid at all.  No, I just won't be able to pay you.  My priest even called to tell me good-bye."

As I have mentioned before, I am a heartless bitch.  I could sense that this phone call was only going to get worse, so I said, "Ok then.  Well, thanks anyways and rest in peace."

*sigh*  Of course I did not hang up fast enough.  I then have to hear a 10 minute rant about how he's going to die by Saturday (can't you just say tomorrow, dude?!) because he can't call his doctor until they open (I did suggest 911) and God told him and the priest told him.  He did then share that the priest actually said, "See you at 4 o'clock mass Saturday."  Not really sure how he got how that was the priest calling to say good-bye but whatever.

I did attempt to be helpful and offer some words of encouragement but he even screwed that up.  When I was actually being nice, CD says to me, "Well you're not catholic, so I don't care what you have to say.  You don't know what you're talking about anyways."

-_____-     REALLY?!?!  YOU, sir, are exactly the kind of religious jackass that I cannot stand.  I then imagined my phone taser going haywire and said (again), "Whatever, Mr. Captain Douchebag.  Rest in peace." 

And, I hung up.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

YOU'VE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, you read that've won.  Well, not you - the person reading this, but some people have won.  What have they won?  Well, I have compiled a short list of people who will be first in line for a quick little buzzing from my handy dandy new taser (when I get it).

In all fairness, before I begin my list, I must tell you that the husband and the daughter are convinced that I am a bit on edge lately.  It may be (as they believe) because I am graduating soon.  It may be because my tolerance for bullshit gets lower as I get older.  OR it may just be one of those kinds of weeks/months. 

Anyway, here we go...

1. The person in first place (there's actually two...both from the past week).  There is a sign on a certain road advising you that the right lane ends.  I believe there may even be two signs.  So, as you are driving along in the right lane apparently either ignoring the fact that the lane ends or believing that you own the road so it doesn't matter if there are other cars (they should, of course, stop for you), do not be surprised when you receive a friendly "little" jolt from my damn taser.  REALLY, YA DAMN IDIOT?!?!?  The sign is there for a reason.  Your lane ends.  And the guy yesterday...yeah, I slowed down so he could get over.  He, being god's gift to the world of course, continued to poke along in the right know, the lane that ends.  So, I sped up.  Yeah, guess what he did then?!?!?  He also sped up and THEN thought it would be a good idea to flip me off AND ride my ass.  That didn't work out so well for him....I mind tased him multiple times and then slammed on my brakes just for good measure.

2. I get breakfast from the cafeteria here almost everyday.  Not only do I get breakfast almost everyday, my order is almost always the same.  By almost always, I mean 98% of the time.  Yesterday, I placed my order, and the girl served it up in my happy little container.  I took it to the register where there was a different cashier than normal.  We'll call her Bitchy Bertha.  There's a rule that you have to open your container so the cashier can see what you ordered.  I have no problem with that.  Like always, I open the container and fire off what I ordered which happened to be eggs, half tots and two bacon.  Bitchy Bertha looks at me (obviously begging for a tase) and says, "That's not a half order of tots."

I calmly look at her and state, "I ordered eggs, half tots and two bacon.  This is what I was given."

Bitcy Bertha hikes her fat ass up on her stool so that she can be eye level with me and says, "Well, it's not half tots and I'm charging you for a full order."

At this point I charged the taser (or at least the one in my mind).  I have no problem with you charging me whatever you feel is necessary UNLESS you're going to be a complete prick about it.  So, being the charming person that I am, I took a handful of my tots out of my container and placed them on her cash register and said, "There, is that better?"

These are the current winners of the first tasing....please stay tuned for more...

Monday, April 16, 2012

Ultimate Blog Party 2012

It's a little crazy, I know, I thought it looked like fun.  You need to first check this out....Ultimate Blog Party 2012.  I figured what the hell.  I'm not really all about having 10 bazillion people read my blog, but I am all about reading other people's blogs.

I use my blog mostly to bitch and complain.  Occassionally I share my greatest fears - ok, not really, but I do share work nonsense.  It's probably illegal in some way. 

I don't do too many blogs about my kids, but I do have some - kids that is.  And if you really like m (very few people do) you can check out my photo project here.

Happy reading!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Anal Retentive Defined...

I've joked a few times about my OCD issues.  I had some friends in college that referred to someone as anal retentive.  I think I'm somewhere in the middle of both of those.  I have some quirks at home, but it's mostly the stuff at work where I get really really bitchy.  

The thing is, my first office job I worked for an incredibly anal man.  I had to pick the mail up from the post office box, sort it, open it, organize it by person, organize it in a file folder by size and importance and have it on his desk by the time he got there in the morning.  No, I'm not exaggerating - even a little.  If an envelope was out of place - for example if a larger piece of mail was placed in front of it - I would get called into the office and spoken with rather firmly.  Then, I had to go and redo it.  He wasn't just anal abut the was everything.  While I may have complained about it then, it's something I held onto.  He taught me to have respect for my job - regardless how menial or trivial it seemed.

Ok, all of that back story brings me to my current issue.  I cannot understand why it is that people staple papers together like this...

Seriously?  It would have taken you maybe 3 more seconds to make sure the paper was all even.  Nevermind that it is far easier to file when it is done neatly.  AND it just looks like shit.  We're not in kindergarten here, TAKE SOME PRIDE IN WHAT YOU DO.

Then there's the paper that is folded in "half" like this....

This gives me a fucking twitch.  Really?  Again, 3 more seconds to make it even.  Do you really have something better to do?  I work here too and the answer is no you do not.  DO IT FUCKING RIGHT.

As if that's not enough, we have the issue with the mail - not the incoming mail, the outgoing mail.  It was brought to my attention (which means I then had to bring it to the perpetrators attention) that 5 separate medical claims all going to the same address were sent out in 5 different envelopes - stamped separately.  So, where it would have cost only $.90 to send them all in the same envelope, it ended up costing $2.25.  I know it's not a lot of money, but it adds up.  

The worst part is, the perpetrator looked at me and said, "That's a problem?"
*sigh* I despise people like this.  I don't like people who are lazy at work and make little effort.  I've been told I'm hard on people.  That's a true statement.  I am - not just in the work place, but in my personal life as well.  I expect A LOT from people - but ESPECIALLY at work.  I don't like it when people are lazy and fuck up and therefore affect my job. I may not always be happy with my job, but I bust my ass.  I may fart around and goof off, but my job is ALWAYS done and done well.  That's the way it should be.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Dear "professor" (take 2)

Dear "professor,"

I just wanted to let you know, 
I think you are an insecure,
small, unreasonably assholian, 
ignorant little man on a power trip.

When a student asks you if you will set up
the stupid assignments link so he/she
can begin working on the assignments 
(yes, before they are due), your response
"it will be set up not before Day 1 of week 2
and will be available until Day 7 of week 2"
is stupid.

I realize that you think you are big
and bad enough to "control" us, however,


See, here's how I know you're stupid.
You gave us the syllabus for the entire class.
We have access to the text book.
We may not be able to complete them in 
the ignorant little online system, 
BUT we can work it on paper and just 
input the information later.

What I'm trying to say here is....


The Bitchy Student

Friday, April 6, 2012

Dear "professor"

Dear "professor"

I do not like this crazy group.
They make me want to fling my poop.
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them in my socks.
I wish for them to go away
And to have an intelligent life form come and play.


Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Ugh.  I seriously don't know why people have children.  I also don't know why people with children don't warn those without.  SERIOUSLY.  Why does no one tell you BEFORE you decide to procreate that having these offspring is like allowing your heart to wander around unprotected all the damn time???  Why does no one tell you how painful it is?  Why don't they tell you that you will constantly have heart failure?

We - ok I - had an "episode" this evening.  It boils down to nothing more than a misunderstanding, but it's so insanely frightening it's almost unbearable.  I thought I had a missing child.  I thought that my child was not where said child was suppose to be.  I saw something and then my FABULOUS imagination took over and I truly thought I was going to have a panic attack.

I would NEVER trade being a mother.  My kids are my ENTIRE world.  I love them with every inch of my heart and soul.  They are my everything.  I have loved every second of being a mom.  I love watching them grow and am amazed at the people they are becoming.  They are perfect - they may have flaws, but those flaws are perfect for me. So, in those inevitable moments where something happens or doesn't go as planned, I freak.  

To my beautiful "babies" - I love you always and forever. <3