Monday, January 30, 2012

Asshole Parents.

Hey, guess what???  For once, this has nothing to do with me personally.  Obviously, it has affected me indirectly because I'm blogging, but this is not about me.  This is about someone that I care about. I'm a sucker for kids.  So, when someone hurts a kid that I care about, I want to cause them great bodily harm.

Here's the thing, many of us have multiple children.  Many of us have multiple children in sports.  Some of us have split families and mixed families.  I know of a couple lucky kids who have mom, dad, step-mom, and step-dad at almost every event.  That's AWESOME!  I love parents that can pull it together for the kids and be adult enough to support their children.  FANTASTIC!!!

What I cannot stand AT ALL are parents who play favorites.  I cannot stand parents who choose only to support one child.  I cannot stand parents who choose to only attend events for one child.  THAT IS BULLSHIT.  YOU gave birth to that child.  IT IS YOUR DAMN RESPONSIBILITY AS A PARENT TO SUPPORT THAT CHILD.  You don't get to decide that Fat Suzy is more talented and therefore the only one you're going to support while Sloppy Steve gets left behind.  What.ever.

I don't think these asshole parents stop to think for just one second the damage they are doing to their child.  Do you realize that all that kid wants is for you to show you care?  Do you realize that all he/she needs is to feel like he/she is special to you?  Do you know that by not supporting what he/she is doing that you make him/her feel unworthy?

I know.  How do I know?  I know I said this wasn't about me and it's not, but I do know that feeling.  Granted, I was out of school but I spent years wishing that I could be special for him.  It has taken me FOREVER to finally accept things as they are and to realize that it's not my fault.  I cannot understand why anyone would do this to any child.  It is beyond me.  

I watched someone I care about cry - watched a heart break - felt that hurt all over again and could do nothing.  It doesn't matter that that person means the world to me.  It does not matter that if I could, I would be that person's mom.  I am not who that person needs - that person needs the asshole parent that couldn't be bothered to give a fuck.

Someday, the person that cried will realize that the asshole parent isn't worth the time of day.  It will be at that point that the asshole parent will realize what she fucked up.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Poop at Work Etiquette

The fact that I even have to blog about this annoys me.  Seriously, HOW OLD ARE YOU?  Are you stupid?!?!  WTF is wrong with you?  *sigh*  Ok, here goes, since obviously some people need to be educated.

I have no issue with people who poop at work.  Whatever, dude.  Everybody poops, no worries.  HOWEVER, there are some rules that need to be followed.  For example, in our office we have single bathrooms - (thank god 'cuz I am certainly one of those people who snorts with hysterical laughter when someone farts or has the, ummm, "hershey squirts")  Now, the rules are a little different for communal bathrooms, but for the single bathroom, it's pretty simple.

1.  The walls are not soundproof.  We STILL don't want to hear it.  As previously stated, I WILL laugh hysterically if I hear you fart.  I also have very little class and may even call you out on it after you leave the bathroom.  Then again, I might pound on the wall and yell "GOOD ONE!!"  You have options - turn on the water, sing, I don't care, but we don't want to hear it.

2. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY - WHEN YOU SHIT AND LEAVE STAINS IN THE DAMN TOILET - FLUSH AGAIN.  No, seriously.  If I don't want to hear it, what in the hell makes you think I want to see it. GROSS.  If when you flush again there are still stains - there's a frickin toilet brush under the sink - USE IT.  Common courtesy.  I sure hope you clean the toilets in your house, although I'm starting to doubt that.


Let's recap - we don't want to hear it or see it, so why in the fuck would we want to smell it.  Jesus.  MORON.  That's just gross.  I feel like I need to go take a shower now.


Wednesday, January 11, 2012


No, not you - not the person currently reading this.  Someone else....please let me share my story...

Last week I printed statements and called people who owed us money in preparation for this weeks douche bags.  I had to call one - we'll call her  Imafuk Inidgit.  This is how that call went...

Me:  "May I speak to Imafuk Inidgit?"

Imafuk:  "That me."  (Not that'S me....that me.)  *deep sigh* I sense how this will go.

Me:  "We've got you scheduled, however you've got an outstanding balance in collections of $1100 from 2009 that will need to be paid prior to your visit." (idk if ya'll are aware, but it's now 2012). 

Imafuk:  "Well I had insurance."

Me:  "The insurance denied your claim and we sent you 5 bills."

Imafuk:  "You billed the wrong insurance."

Me:  "Did you call our office to correct your insurance information?"

Imafuk:  "No, that ain't my job."
Me:  "Right, because I'm a fucking mind reader and knew what insurance your stupid ass had at the time of service."  OH WAIT!  I didn't actually say that - that's what I was thinking.  Instead I calmly said, "Actually, it is your responsibility to notify us of insurance changes."

Imafuk:  "Well I ain't got that kinda money. Can't you just send it to the insurance."

Me:  "Unfortunately, your insurance does not accept claims that are more than one year old. This bill is your responsibility and will need to be paid prior to your visit."

Imafuk:  "Well the lady put me on new medicine and it's messing with me so I need it fixed."

Me:  "We can let you be seen once, but the balance will then have to be paid."

Imafuk:  "Ok."

Please fast forward to today. I get a phone call from my girl at the office that Imafuk is copping on a tude and trying to pull shit.  So, I tell my girl to put Imafuk on the phone.  This is how that went...

Me: "Imafuk Inidgit?  This is Jamie.  I spoke with you last week, remember?  I spoke with you on Thursday, January 5 about this balance.  We had determined that you could be seen once but that you would have to make payments on the balance."

Imafuk:  "This is bullshit.  I never got no bill.  They [the insurance] are paying everything.  You just needa rebill it."

Me:  "As I explained to you last week, your insurance does not accept bills that are more than one year old.  This bill is your responsibility."

Imafuk:  "You didn't send me no bill. Or wait, I know, you sent it to the wrong address.  I ain't lived at that address in a year."

Me:  "We haven't billed you since 2009.  This bill is from 2009.  You would have received bills from the collection agency starting in 2010.  We sent you 5 bills in 2009."

Imafuk:  "Whatever. I didn't get no bill.  This ain't my problem."

Me:  "Actually, it is.  The bill is your responsibility as is dealing with your insurance."

Here is where she made her biggest mistake...

Imafuk: "That bullshit, bitch."  And she hung up on me.

I don't care that she called me a bitch.  I know (and am proud of) what I am.  NO ONE hangs up on me. So, I called the office back and told my girl that I needed to speak to the head honcho right then.  She transferred me to the head honcho and guess what happened????


(yes, I know that was childish, but.....W.T.F.C.)

You're kidding....Right?

So I have this new favorite blog to read....  If you haven't checked it out yet, you need to.  Recently, she blogged about the ludicrousness of Beyonce and Jay-Z and the birth of their child.  Although the obvious source of her blog would be the name of the child (Blue Ivy) that was not the issue that was addressed - well it was but only for a moment.  The issue was the bullshit that these two morons pulled in the hospital.  The main focus was on the fact that these two multi-millionares who think they own the world denied a parent of a NICU baby access to said baby. 

She posted her blog on the above mentioned site and also on facebook.  I shared it on facebook.  Imagine my surprise when I found out this morning that the powers that be at facebook deleted it.  No, I'm not kidding.  They deleted her post on her page on facebook and everyone who shared it. 

Ok, I'm confused.  People rant and rave on facebook daily about politicians, about Charlie Sheen's craziness, about Lebron James being a mega douche and it's all good.  What's the difference?  Why can one person not express her utter dislike of poor behavior displayed by celebrities?  Who the fuck are these two that their "good" names cannot be discussed?  Whether the information is accurate or not, what gives facebook the right to decide who we can and cannot bad mouth?  I frequently bad mouth stupid people - occasionally I name names. 

Why is it ok for EVERYONE to blast the President and call him names but it's not ok for someone to log a complaint against Beyonce and Jay-Z.  WHERE is the logic in that? 

For the record, I don't give a fat fuck who's in the hospital whether it's the President, Kate Middleton, or fucking Beyonce.  If my child is in the same hospital, NO ONE denies me the right to see my kid.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Pretty much anyone who knows me - even a little bit can tell you how much I "love" change.  By "love" I mean positively abhor change.  I don't like changing toilet paper.  I don't like it when people fold my towels the "wrong" way.  I don't like altering my schedule - as in how I get to or from work.  I know - I have issues.

Anyway, it appears that 2012 is going to be a year of changes for the Klines.  There will be both big and small changes - and no you bunch of smart asses, I'm NOT having any babies.  That said, I'm also not going to tell you what the changes are just to be an asshole.  Actually, that's not true.  I'm not telling you because I'm not ready.  I can tell you some changes are already taking place.  Other changes will come about in roughly 7 months and additional changes in 9 months - NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!  

The thing is, I decided to blog about it because I'm scared.  That's part of the reason I hate change.  I like knowing or having at least a rough idea of what's ahead.  I'm lost right now.  Not knowing how these changes will play out completely stresses me out.  I know in the end everything will be as it should be, in the mean time, I shall just stress and post more vague blogs for your "enjoyment."