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Friday, January 27, 2012

Poop at Work Etiquette

The fact that I even have to blog about this annoys me.  Seriously, HOW OLD ARE YOU?  Are you stupid?!?!  WTF is wrong with you?  *sigh*  Ok, here goes, since obviously some people need to be educated.

I have no issue with people who poop at work.  Whatever, dude.  Everybody poops, no worries.  HOWEVER, there are some rules that need to be followed.  For example, in our office we have single bathrooms - (thank god 'cuz I am certainly one of those people who snorts with hysterical laughter when someone farts or has the, ummm, "hershey squirts")  Now, the rules are a little different for communal bathrooms, but for the single bathroom, it's pretty simple.

1.  The walls are not soundproof.  We STILL don't want to hear it.  As previously stated, I WILL laugh hysterically if I hear you fart.  I also have very little class and may even call you out on it after you leave the bathroom.  Then again, I might pound on the wall and yell "GOOD ONE!!"  You have options - turn on the water, sing, I don't care, but we don't want to hear it.

2. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY - WHEN YOU SHIT AND LEAVE STAINS IN THE DAMN TOILET - FLUSH AGAIN.  No, seriously.  If I don't want to hear it, what in the hell makes you think I want to see it. GROSS.  If when you flush again there are still stains - there's a frickin toilet brush under the sink - USE IT.  Common courtesy.  I sure hope you clean the toilets in your house, although I'm starting to doubt that.

3.  It absolutely kills me that I have to educate you on this, however, SPRAY ASSHOLE.  USE THE MOTHER FUCKING SPRAY THAT IS SITTING RIGHT THERE IN THE BIG ASS BOTTLE ON THE COUNTER BY THE SINK.  OMFG. 

Let's recap - we don't want to hear it or see it, so why in the fuck would we want to smell it.  Jesus.  MORON.  That's just gross.  I feel like I need to go take a shower now.

Thanks.

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