I conformed....

Yep, you read it right, I conformed.  I gave in to the haters. I bowed to what they wanted.  I have to admit I'm pretty embarrassed and actually ashamed of myself.  No, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed of my blog.  I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I didn't have the balls to leave it up. I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I allowed what someone else thought try to change me.

Here's the thing.  I posted the blog.  That blog was true for me.  Did you read that - FOR ME.  I didn't call out the town because I don't want people to pass judgment on it because of what I said.  Experience it yourself.  My blogs are just that - mine.  YOU don't have to read them.  You do have to click on it to read it.  Why in God's name you would click on it when it was titled "FUCK YOU" and think it was going to be some mushy gushy stuff, I don't know.  Not my problem.

I got a lot of hate mail.  To be honest, I laughed.  We are each entitled to our own opinions.  I respect that you have one - respect mine. You don't have to agree with me.  I'm totally ok with you not agreeing with me.  But I am allowed to have my own opinion. The one that did me in - and there was only one....was someone I had great respect for.  Someone who was unlike the rest and did not judge based on (I thought) what people believed.  This person shared with me how hateful and angry I was.  Here's the thing - I was pissed when I wrote it, but the reality is, I was pissed for that moment.  

Oddly enough, I'm not an angry person.  Although I play it well.  Anyway, because of that one person and how deeply hurt I was by him, I deleted the blog.  Then I got to thinking.  The more I thought, the more pissed I got.  Here's the thing - I get it.  You're pissed because I walked into your house and called you out.  I called you out to this little blog world in all your foulness.  Lemme ask you this, though, put this in a real life perspective...

Had I literally walked into your house - left and blogged about how nasty you are, would you have just sent me hate mail?  Would you have just passed it off as me being a psycho?  Would you have yelled about what an angry person I am (ironic I must say that you were YELLING about me being angry)? 

Or would you have done all of those AND turned around and looked at your house to see if there really was something wrong?  Wouldn't you want to ensure that I was just a raving lunatic?  Wouldn't you want to assure yourself that my claims were invalid?

Not one of you took the time to do that.  YOU judged me because I judged your "house." I judged your "house" based on MY experiences there.  Last time I checked, we all have different experiences.  That's why I'm totally ok with you loving your house.  That's fantastic - I'm GLAD you have good memories and great experiences.  No sarcasm - straight from the heart.  That's great.  BUT before you run around talking about how none of what I said is true - maybe you should check.

Just sayin.

Insanity Recap

So, let's do a little recap here.  Obviously, I've already blogged about the page on facebook.  Unless you live in a hole, you've probably heard about it somewhere.  I'm not being cocky, I'm stating a fact.  I started a little itty bitty page for a young lady.  I expected to get a few hundred "likes" and ended up with - the last time I checked - 95,000.

Wait, what?  Yup, that's right, 95,000.  Whoa.  Over the past week and a half(ish) I have received phone calls from Ryan Seacrest, The Today Show, Good Morning America, Mojo in the Morning, Mlive, and Dateline among others.  I've gotten emails from The View, and a couple news and radio stations in Canada.  Now, none of these people want to talk to me - which is A-OK, but I gotta tell ya, it's cool as hell that I have been getting those calls.

That aside, here are some things I've learned. 
1. The media is relentless and overwhelming but can be incredibly kind and helpful.  Without the media, this would not have gotten so big. 
2. Social media, when used properly, can reach thousands of people.
3. People are still douchebags.  Yep, I said it - maybe that makes me a bully which goes against everything I've been preaching, but I prefer to see it as brutal honesty.  With any "cause" there will be haters.  I've gotten to see them, delete them, and ban them...first hand.
4. Things like this - finding something you can grab onto and do something about - or at least try to - these things....they change you.  Meg told me the other day that she was going to miss me being mean...I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...*insert awkward laugh here*

One of the most amazing things for me?  Facebook shows you how many people have "seen" your posts on a page. One of my posts reached 95000 people....

I realize not all of those people read what I wrote, but I gotta tell you....never in a BAZILLION TRILLION years did I think that anything I wrote would get past maybe 20 people.

Wow. 

Happy/Sad

So, I'm pretty sure it's relatively common knowledge that I don't really like people.  If you didn't already know that, you obviously don't know me.  I think it is also relatively common knowledge that I am not a huge fan of people spending an extended period of time in my house.  Partially, of course, because I don't like people and partially because of all it requires of me.  I'm not talking about cooking/cleaning.  No, I'm referring to the having to shower regularly on the weekends and putting a bra on on Sunday.  Shut up - don't judge me. 

For the past three weeks, our daughter-in-law has been staying with us.  Let me give you a little back story first.  I suppose technically she is my step-dil, however, I don't think of Eric as my step-son; therefore, Angelina is not my step-dil.  Anyhoo, she and I didn't exactly hit it off when we first met 6 years ago (my gawd, was it really that long ago?!?).  As a matter of fact, I'm not sure who disliked who more (who or whom?).  

However, since then, we learned that we actually like each other (if you don't like me, Angelina - here is the part where you lie to make me feel good...).  Eric and Angelina have been planning moving here for the past year.  They use to live in Dallas.  For a reason that at the time seemed logical, Angelina came up here 3 weeks before Eric.  She has been staying with us.  Eric got here today.  

He arrived pretty early and we got them all moved into their temporary home. Well, we got the moving truck unloaded and the window coverings hung.  They have a bunch of unpacking to do.  

I have to admit, as glad that I am that Eric is here now and my little family is truly complete, I'm also sad.  Over the past 3 weeks, my fondness for Angelina changed or morphed or something.  I absolutely love this young lady with all of my heart.  I loved having her stay with us.  I loved talking to her and spending time with her.  I loved playing silly card games and shopping and just generally being in the same room with her.  

For me - that's something.  So, I guess the point of this blog is basically to say, thank you to Angelina.  Thank you for spending time with me - even though we're obviously polar opposites.  Thank you for running around with us to all the crazy sporting events at god awful times - (6:00 a.m. on a Saturday is a sin).  Thank you for just being you.

I am so thankful that you both are here and I love you both with all of my heart!

Who can make a difference?

Have you ever wondered if you can make a difference?  Have you ever snorted at the saying "one person can make a difference?  My answer is yes to both of those questions.  It's not that I don't want to make a difference, it's that I didn't think I could.  That's not to say that I haven't had moments where I have felt accomplished.  Good grief, I coached (and still coach) gymnastics and there is something so personally satisfying to have the girls get all excited when they get a new skill - it's an amazing feeling.

However, the other day, I read of an injustice done to a young lady.  To some it may seem a minor annoying injustice, but I felt strongly about it.  In the town where I graduated from high school, some young people decided to play what they considered a "joke" on a classmate.  They chose to nominate her for their homecoming court - even though they didn't really like her.  The point was to publicly humiliate her. Well, initially they thought they succeeded.  She won the nomination.  Then the little bastards shared with her that they only did it as a joke and they didn't really want her to win.

Seriously?  Yep, so this is where I stepped in. I've kept relatively quiet about this personally.  What I mean is, I have attempted to keep my name out of it.  Not because I'm not proud of it, but because I don't want this to be about me. This ISN'T about me.  This is about the huge issue we have in this country in bullying.  I've done a TON of research on bullying lately and to be honest, it's frightening.

Anyhoo, I took it upon myself to create a facebook page.  You should go there now and "like" it.  I did it because I felt that the community needed to be aware of the situation and come together to support this beautiful young woman.

WELL, that sure did work.  We currently have 3025 "likes."  SERIOUSLY?!!??  Whit's story has been broadcast by multiple television stations across the country.  ACROSS THE COUNTRY.  I was checking the page earlier and crying my eyes out.  The community sure did come together - her dress, shoes, hair, dinner, etc. have all been paid for.  The number of people posting kind words and thoughts is surreal. 

I am floored.  I am so floored, that I am now considering starting a foundation to bring awareness to and fight against bullying.  Not kidding.

Moral of the story - ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.  If you believe in it - stand up for it.  If YOU think it's worth it - support it.  

Everyday I'm strugglin'

So, it's pretty common knowledge to those closest to me that I have been in a funk for about, oh gosh, I don't know - 3 weeks now. It's rough.  The worst part is, it's not a generic funk.  I can pinpoint exactly what the issues are.  The problem is, I can't figure out how to fix them.  

I can tell you first and foremost that I am sick and fucking tired of people bitching at me for having a rough day (ok week....well fine, a few weeks, but who's counting?!).  I. AM. ONLY. HUMAN.  Here's the thing, I have not ever said that my life is worse than anyone elses.  I have not ever said that my life is so terrible that I can't go on.  What I have said and am saying is that it is incredibly overwhelming right now and I don't know how to handle it. So, if you're reading this and you are now pondering telling me to suck it up cuz you know people who have issues far worse....save it.  I don't care and I don't want to hear it. 

Second, I quoted a song with the title of this blog - well sort of....the real words are "everyday I'm shufflin'" but I thought mine fit.  I am so fucking tired of struggling.  I am tired of trying to do everything right and nothing ever working out.  Everything is always a struggle.  Nothing is EVER easy.  I, well we, can't catch a fucking break.  Am I really that bad of a person?

Third, I despise being jealous, but I am.  I am jealous as hell of those who do not struggle.  Those who do not have to wonder what bills to put off so that the children can be fed.  Or those who can randomly go away for a weekend without having to think of the repercussions.  

Finally, I fucking hate being in a funk.  I hate feeling like this.  I hate that I am blogging about it and putting my whiney ass bullshit out here for the world.

Bah.

Wow. Did that just happen?

Ok, well.  Gosh, I don't even know how to start this.  Let me start by saying, those of you who know me - really know me - know that I find somethings that are rather, well, shall we say tasteless?? - rather funny.  Those of you that know my family know what makes us (well three of us) laugh.  We burp.  We fart.  We might even have unofficial contests.  HOWEVER, ya gotta draw the line at some point.

Why must I blog about this?  Ha.  Let me share the conversation I just had.  I had to call a patient to get information that the hospital failed to get (as usual).  So, I call the patient and this is how the conversation goes...

Me:  "May I speak to Nas T. Ass?"

Patient:  "This is Nas T. Ass."

Me:  " Good morning, Mr. Nas T. Ass, I am calling from this fine establishment to get some information in regard to the thing you had.  We were given blah blah blah, but need blah blah blah."  (Sorry, HIPAA - gotta be careful)

Patient:  "Crap."  Long pause.  "Well, I can get you that information..." (Oh how I wish he had ended the sentence right there.) "But, I'm in the hospital right now, as we speak, on the toilet."

Me:  Dead silence.  Holding back a snort.  "Ok, Mr. Nas T. Ass, I'll give you a call again in a few days."

I, of course, then hung up the phone and just sat here at my desk staring at it.  SERIOUSLY?!?!  WHO ANSWERS THEIR CELL PHONE WHILE SITTING ON THE SHITTER?!?!?  AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE STILL IN THE DAMN HOSPITAL.

I have zero faith in humanity.

My mom nominated me...

So, my mom was nominated for the Liebster Blog Award.  Her blog explains what it is.  (Nevermind that you should check out her blog anyway...just sayin') She, in turn decided to nominate my blog (which is a tiny bit silly only because I believe it is an award for nice people, which I think I have proven I am not.  She also nominated a few other people that I know such as my friend Andy, and my friend, Jen, and this great new author, Wilson Jennings. 


I guess along with the nomination comes some questions that you are expected to answer....so, here are my answers - although I have not yet decided whether or not I will answer seriously or sarcastically.

1) What is your biggest dream?

This is a really tough question for me.  I can tell you what my dreams were 18 years ago...I wanted to graduate from college with a double major and double minor.  My hopes were to one day own my own dance studio.  Over the years, my dreams have changed.  I will always love to dance, but that's not my dream anymore. To be honest, I don't know that I have a "personal" dream anymore which is in itself, rather depressing.  I may have to revisit that at some point.  However, my dreams at this point center around my children and what my hopes and dreams are for them.

2) Do you have a plan for making it happen?

LOL - well, I guess in regard to my children, sure.  I have all kinds of plans to figure out how to help them succeed.

3) What keeps you going when you want to give up?

Mountain Dew, of course.  What else could possibly keep me going?  Seriously?  My family.

4)Who are your favorite musicians and why?

Oh Lord, I can't answer this question in just one blog.  I have a very diverse interest in music.  I like just about everything and I don't know that I have an absolute favorite or favorites.  It depends on the day or my mood.

5) If you could invite anyone at all to dinner who would it be and why?

Do you mean someone famous?  Gosh, I don't know.  Smart ass answer?  Will Smith or Shemar Moore or Sean Connery, Jason Terry or Mark Cuban.  Why?  Cuz they are dead sexy and I would of course propose.

Seriously?  The Queen of England.  I admire her and her grace.

6) What's one thing you'd like to change about the world?

Stupid people.  I would like to change the amount of stupid people who populate the earth.

7)What is one small thing you can change?

Stupid people.  Well, I could if someone would just give me a damn taser...

8) Where do you see yourself in five years?

HA.  That's a darn fine question.  Probably where I am now - still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

9) Who do you most admire and why?

Whoa - another long list.  Mostly, I admire myself and my insane beauty, remarkable intelligence, and charming personality.  *choke*  Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Reality?  My mother - for showing me that hard work pays off and for proving that one person can make a difference in someone's life.  She is by far one of the most amazing women on this planet.

My grandparents - for their dedication to each other and their family and for loving us all unconditionally.

My husband - for overcoming major obstacles and finding himself.

My children - for showing me life through their innocent eyes.

10) What one thing about yourself would you share?

I am really not that interesting.

11) Which is more important making millions or making a change?

Change - duh.  However, it would be easier to make a change with millions ;)  Just sayin....