Monday, August 27, 2012

Everyday I'm strugglin'

So, it's pretty common knowledge to those closest to me that I have been in a funk for about, oh gosh, I don't know - 3 weeks now. It's rough.  The worst part is, it's not a generic funk.  I can pinpoint exactly what the issues are.  The problem is, I can't figure out how to fix them.  

I can tell you first and foremost that I am sick and fucking tired of people bitching at me for having a rough day (ok week....well fine, a few weeks, but who's counting?!).  I. AM. ONLY. HUMAN.  Here's the thing, I have not ever said that my life is worse than anyone elses.  I have not ever said that my life is so terrible that I can't go on.  What I have said and am saying is that it is incredibly overwhelming right now and I don't know how to handle it. So, if you're reading this and you are now pondering telling me to suck it up cuz you know people who have issues far it.  I don't care and I don't want to hear it. 

Second, I quoted a song with the title of this blog - well sort of....the real words are "everyday I'm shufflin'" but I thought mine fit.  I am so fucking tired of struggling.  I am tired of trying to do everything right and nothing ever working out.  Everything is always a struggle.  Nothing is EVER easy.  I, well we, can't catch a fucking break.  Am I really that bad of a person?

Third, I despise being jealous, but I am.  I am jealous as hell of those who do not struggle.  Those who do not have to wonder what bills to put off so that the children can be fed.  Or those who can randomly go away for a weekend without having to think of the repercussions.  

Finally, I fucking hate being in a funk.  I hate feeling like this.  I hate that I am blogging about it and putting my whiney ass bullshit out here for the world.


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