Friday, May 11, 2012

Shhhh....I'm hiding....

No seriously - I am....I'm curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the bathroom with the door locked and the water running in hopes that no one will ever find me.  Why?  Because - the fucktards are everywhere....I'M NOT KIDDING.  Everywhere I turn there's another one and I have to tell you - these fucktards are FAR more frightening than zombies.  These creatures are so stupid they make zombies look like rocket scientists.

First we have the lady on the phone - "You're charging my mother for a no show fee. I called the Better Business Bureau and you cannot legally charge for services you did not provide."

*sigh*  Well, she's partially right - no one can legally charge you for services that were not provided.  However, we're NOT charging your mother for an office visit.  We're charging your mother for not showing up to TWO office visits.  The fee is $25 (for each missed visit) as opposed to the fee for an actual visit which is a bare minimum of $75.  If you would like, I can certainly talk to the doctor about raising our no show fee?  I was, of course, sugary sweet while stating these facts.  She then fires back at me, "Look, you don't know me and I don't know you and I don't want to start a pissing match that I will win."

I'm sorry, what?  Right, ok, I got it.  You are a fucktard and I cannot lower myself to speak with you anymore.  Buh-bye now.  I think while I'm sitting here on the floor I will google and see if it is legal to charge people extra for being fucktards.  There has to be some kind of loop hole that allows for charging for ignorance...

Then there's the "new" guy.  First off - thanks fucktards for informing me.  Second - how about this phone call..."Hello. I am here." 

All right, that's nice.  Who the fuck are you and where the fuck is here?  Seriously?  Psychic is not on my reseme.  Let's try this again.  I ask oh-smart-one who he is and what he wants and he then shares that he is the new guy and he's meeting with some big wigs.  Basically, it was a big cluster fuck...partially because those of us who answer the phone were not informed and partially because....well, because.

I'm OH SO excited to see who the next fucktard will be.  There have been others today, however, I am not at liberty to call them out.  I think I need to start blogging under another name.

Oh well.  If you need me, I'll be pretending to have spattergoit....(that's a Harry Potter reference, btw).


  1. Would you like the one in my life?

  2. Yes, stupid questions abound every where I go I swear they are contagious.

  3. Hope you don't mind - I tagged you on my blog for an 11 Question blogger ice breaker.
    Would love to see your answers!