Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Dear John,

I've been pondering writing this for days.  Bringing myself to actually write it has been tough.  Part of me feels like writing it will make everything even more real than what it actually is.  But the other part of me feels like if I put it off, I will regret it.  Isn't living a good life about not having regrets?  So, here we are.

I remember when I met you - not the exact date, but a rough idea.  It was the summer of 2008.  We met in the Mayes' garage.  We were fresh out of competitive gymnastics (i.e., just learning what it was like to have a life) and I don't know how you guys got roped into hanging out.  In all honesty, you and I didn't exactly hit it off.  I don't know that we actually disliked each other (well maybe you didn't like me, idk) but we weren't fast friends.

Our friendship grew over these last 4 years.  I can't pinpoint the exact date - again, however, I can tell you that the first year our boys played football was a turning point in our friendship.  We started talking more, just you and I.  We had some GREAT conversations.  During those summer practices, I learned a lot about who you really were.  I learned to understand you more.  

You and I, we're a LOT different.  Basically, we are almost polar opposites.  We have different beliefs and different interests, but for some reason, none of that matters.  If anything, it gives us more interesting conversations and even more things to debate.  

Two years have passed since the boys started playing football.  In that two years, you became one of my very best friends.  That may sound cheesy, but it's true.  There are very few people on this planet that I trust enough to pour my heart out to and can tell damn near everything.  YOU are one of those few people.  I know that what I tell you will remain with you.  I know that you will not judge me based on my sometimes silly decisions or actions.  I know that regardless of what may be going on, you are always there for me.

When you were diagnosed a year ago, I was crushed, to say the least.  This is not unfamiliar territory for me, but it is territory I would rather not travel.  I had a few talks with Phil and a long talk with another good friend about what to do.  I won't lie, a huge part of me wanted to run away.  I wanted to stop talking to you because I didn't think I was strong enough to walk this road with you.  Honestly, I am still not sure I am strong enough.

That said, I am not walking away.  It took me a bit of soul searching, but in the end, I knew I was in for the long haul.  I am still here, where I will be, right up until the end.

You are an amazing man, John!  I don't know if those around you realize how amazing you are and I quite often don't think YOU realize how amazing you are. I am sad that our time together is limited.  I am broken hearted that you have to endure this God awful disease.  I wish that I could make it all go away and that we could just go back to hanging out at the Murphy's playing stupid games and laughing about Lance and his leg shaking.  

I can't.  I can't stop any of it.  I can't even slow it down.  What I can do is promise you that I will love you until the end of time.  I promise you that I will hold your hand and be with you every chance that I get.  

Thank you.  Thank you for being my friend.  Thank you for loving me for who I am - as goofy as I am.  Thank you for accepting me.  Thank you for watching out for my kids and being a good friend to Phil.  Thank you for the endless laughs and the great times.  

From now until it is your time to move on, I will tell you I love you as often as I can!  I love you!



  1. You made me cry. I've only met John a couple of times, but I think he's an outstanding man. He will be missed.
    Love you

  2. Jamie- John will never leave you. He will be with you always. your memories last your life time. He will live in your heart! Ive never met him but he sounds like an amazing man! My prayers are with him and you always! Know this that I have prayer chains going around the world for you two! <3 you sis! I am always here if you need me! <3