So I might be a little frustrated. Ok, in all honesty, it's not just frustration. It's hurt and disappointed and a bit lost. There's also a bit of feeling like the stupid little kid that doesn't know what she's talking about. You know, the one that tells you she's going to be a rockstar when she grows up so you smile and say "ok honey" and roll your eyes the minute she walks away.
Right now, I'm that kid. I've always been a dreamer. I wanted to be a famous dancer/olympic gymnast/rockstar/dance studio owner. Somewhere along the lines, I got a few reality checks. I'm not stupid. I know what I'm capable of and I know when dreams are too far-fetched to come true. Obviously, I'm not going to win the lottery, cure cancer, save Michigan's economy or be Queen of England. I know that. I guess, though, even though some of my other dreams are big, I thought they were attainable.
Here's where the real Jamie starts showing her true colors. I thought, even though it would take a lot of work and a lot of schmoozing I could do it. I guess, maybe I was wrong. Someone I care very much about doesn't get it. Unfortunately, for me, I need that person to get it. I need that person to be on board with me. I can't do this without that person's full support. Because that person doubts me - or because that person doesn't really see the need or the point, I doubt myself. I guess that person is probably right, there's really no point and I probably couldn't make it work anyway.
So what do I do? I'm back to square-fucking-one. What the hell am I going to do with my life? Spend the rest of my life as a medical biller not making enough money to support my family? That's awesome. There's nothing I want more out of life than to be a big fat fucking loser.
Whatever. I guess, if you look at the big picture, no one really gives a shit and it doesn't really matter. And this way, I don't have to listen to all the nay-sayers...those that didn't think I was smart enough to pull it off anyways.
Excuse me while I go flush yet another stupid ass dream down the toilet.