Shhhh....I'm hiding....

No seriously - I am....I'm curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the bathroom with the door locked and the water running in hopes that no one will ever find me.  Why?  Because - the fucktards are everywhere....I'M NOT KIDDING.  Everywhere I turn there's another one and I have to tell you - these fucktards are FAR more frightening than zombies.  These creatures are so stupid they make zombies look like rocket scientists.

First we have the lady on the phone - "You're charging my mother for a no show fee. I called the Better Business Bureau and you cannot legally charge for services you did not provide."

*sigh*  Well, she's partially right - no one can legally charge you for services that were not provided.  However, we're NOT charging your mother for an office visit.  We're charging your mother for not showing up to TWO office visits.  The fee is $25 (for each missed visit) as opposed to the fee for an actual visit which is a bare minimum of $75.  If you would like, I can certainly talk to the doctor about raising our no show fee?  I was, of course, sugary sweet while stating these facts.  She then fires back at me, "Look, you don't know me and I don't know you and I don't want to start a pissing match that I will win."

I'm sorry, what?  Right, ok, I got it.  You are a fucktard and I cannot lower myself to speak with you anymore.  Buh-bye now.  I think while I'm sitting here on the floor I will google and see if it is legal to charge people extra for being fucktards.  There has to be some kind of loop hole that allows for charging for ignorance...

Then there's the "new" guy.  First off - thanks fucktards for informing me.  Second - how about this phone call..."Hello. I am here." 

All right, that's nice.  Who the fuck are you and where the fuck is here?  Seriously?  Psychic is not on my reseme.  Let's try this again.  I ask oh-smart-one who he is and what he wants and he then shares that he is the new guy and he's meeting with some big wigs.  Basically, it was a big cluster fuck...partially because those of us who answer the phone were not informed and partially because....well, because.

I'm OH SO excited to see who the next fucktard will be.  There have been others today, however, I am not at liberty to call them out.  I think I need to start blogging under another name.

Oh well.  If you need me, I'll be pretending to have spattergoit....(that's a Harry Potter reference, btw).

T-1....Let the celebrations begin

Yep, today started the fun.  I got to leave work early and go out with the girls (from work) and have drinks and lunch on the boss.  FABULOUS!  I had a great time although I greatly missed my bff Carri.  However, since she did just have a baby, I shall forgive her.

I would love to continue celebrating this evening, however, I must bust through a crap ton of yucky homework to ensure that I do not have to do homework Friday or Saturday. 

Wish me luck - it's going to be a long night.

T-2....It could happen....

I was unable to sleep last night as I could not shut my brain off.  I tossed and turned pondering all the things that need to get done prior to graduation.  I pondered the stuff that needed to be done at work and home and how I could manage to accomplish them all.  When I finally (half-assed) shut my brain off, I had a GREAT (and by GREAT, I mean "great") dream.  It went a little like this....


I was all dressed for graduation.  I was in my "pretty" (read:  ugly) cap and gown and my cute little outfit underneath.  I was wearing my favorite pair of wedges (the same ones I intend - intended? - to wear Friday).  Here's where it's a little shady.  I know big college graduations they just introduce the degree - for example, "BSB/ACC" and everyone (with that degree) stands up and then sits down.  Amen, you have graduated. 


However, in my dream it was like high school.  So, there I go wandering up the ungodly high steps and across the 4 1/2 mile straight away to shake some creepy dude's hand and get my pretend degree.  All is fine and good until, well, I tripped.


Not only did I trip, I fell flat on my face.  Ugh. *sigh*  I fear this will happen.

T-3...OMG

Wow.  So, I've been kind of blah about this whole thing.  Like, it hasn't really set in, maybe?  Well, at least until today.  Today it seemed everything happened at once. I had a very good friend call me and talk with me about my plan for Friday.  Pretty sure it's common knowledge that I have a relatively large group of friends that we spend a lot of time with.  I haven't (or at least haven't tried to) made a big deal about this for the most part.  


Anyway, she called me today and told me that she along with all of the rest of "the crew" would be in attendance if that was what I wanted.  I don't think she realizes how special she made me feel.  I don't expect everyone to be there - it's a bit of an inconvenience and I'm unsure how much room there is and I don't want everyone to make a big deal. Yes, this is a HUGE accomplishment for me.  BUT, the fact that she even acknowledged it was enough.  


Then, another friend determined that we should have a celebratory lunch on Thursday.  I talked to my mom who told me my grandparents would be in attendance (which means the world to me) and that they would like to go to dinner with us prior to graduation.


So, while I'm all emotional about all of that ^^ I'm now also starting to panic about when we should leave here to go there and when we're going to have dinner/check into the hotel.  And how I'm going to make it to the church (which is where I'm graduating) on time.  


Yeah, it's setting in now.  I'm fricking graduating from college on Friday.  I'm sorta freaking out a little.

T-4...What Next?

That is the $57,500 (plus 6% interest) question, now isn't it?  What next?  In 6 weeks I will have completed four years of college and have obtained a Bachelor's of Science with an emphasis in Accounting.  Yes, I will have a piece of paper stating I have mastered BS.  The best part is, I will be paying through the nose for it.  Ugh.


I have no idea what to do now.  Most people would go look for a new job.  Maybe I should. But, there in lies the problem.  I have a job.  I have a job that I usually (sometimes....for the most part...at least occasionally) like.  The flaw, of course, is that part of the point of college was to ensure that I would be able to support my family.  Well, I just tacked another bazillion dollars of debt onto us.  Therefore, I have to do something, now don't I?


Here's where it gets really hairy though.  I have to factor in all of the benefits of my current job.  I won't share them all here - that's my business.  I can assure you, I have made multiple pros and cons lists.  The damn shame is, I still don't have an answer.


*sigh*  Aren't things suppose to be easier once you have a degree?

T-5 and counting....

It is a bit weird and maybe even a bit surreal.  In 5 days I will be graduating from college - with a Bachelor's Degree.  I realize that this may seem like no big deal to most people, but then, I'm not most people.


Some of you may know my (pitiful) story, others may not.  Let me enlighten you.  I went to MSU the fall after I graduated from high school.  I had BIG dreams and BIGGER goals.  My intent was to double major/double minor.  I was going to major in accounting and music and minor in dance and computers.  Stupid?  Maybe, but it covered everything for me.  My dream was to own my own dance studio.  With the accounting degree, I figured I could work until I made enough money to open the studio and then I would be able to handle the business end by myself.  The music part was (is) just because I love music and am pretty sure I cannot function without it.  Computers?  Well, computers and technology are forever changing and I felt that it was important that I was educated. 


I failed.  Miserably.  Embarrassingly.  No, I'm not kidding.  I flunked out.  I didn't have the discipline or the know how.  I won't make excuses.  I screwed up.  I decided after that that I would take a year off.  I should have.  I didn't.  I ended up staying in the area and registering at the community college. Ha.  Guess what?!  I failed again.  Again, no excuses, I (continued to) screwed up.


I gave up after that .  Obviously, I was never going to get through college so I would just be a working stiff.  I worked. I played.  I had a baby.  I got married.  I had another baby.  I decided to try the community college again.  Seriously?!?  WTF is wrong with me?!?!  I tried this time.  I really did.  I got a little study group.  I worked.  I hated the "teacher."  He was like 5 years younger than me a dumb ass to boot.  Care to guess how that ended up?  Yep, another failure.


In 2008 my happy little world changed - drastically.  I had spent close to 7 years working 12-14 hour days between my "real" job and coaching.  In March of 2008 that changed.  I was no longer coaching.  Apparently, I was almost intolerable.  First, I had to adjust to not seeing my gym girls every day.  Then I had to adjust to not having anything to do.  Do you know me?  I am a constant movement kind of person.  I am ALWAYS doing something.  I do not think it is possible for me to just sit for the most part.  


I spent 3 1/2 months aggravating my family, getting fat, being semi-depressed and then I made a decision.  I decided I was going to go back to school again.  There were multiple reasons behind that decision - the most obvious being that I needed something to occupy myself.  The other reasons will remain my secret for now.  I searched the internet and did endless research trying to figure out how I could do this.  I finally settled on the University of Phoenix.  


Many people (even now) will doubt my decision.  Many people believe my degree is worth less than a degree from a "real" college.  I'm to the point now where I'm ok with that.  I make a lot of decisions that people don't agree with - always have.  The bottom line is that they are my decisions to make as it is my life. 


I have spent the last 4 years with only 10 weeks of "vacation" from school.  I have written more papers than all four years of high school and my 3 previous attempts at college combined.  I have cried more and spent more late nights working on homework than ever before.  Finally, I can see the end.  


I have 6 weeks of school left.  I graduate in 5 days and have 1 class left after graduation.  I will have an obscene amount of debt when I am done, but I will finally be able to say that I graduated from college.  I will be a college graduate.  For me, this is monumental, in some ways a dream come true.  I finally overcame an obstacle that for years I believed I would never be able to get past.  


I have survived.  I have accomplished.  I am a Phoenix.

Dumb Ass of the Day

I've decided I'm changing the name of my blog.  The new title will be "Dumb Ass of the Day."  I am forced to endure far too many interactions with dumb asses, so I surely think there should be a blog so everyone can appreciate them.  What do you think?


For example, it is now 12:11 p.m. on Friday.  FRIDAY, DAMMIT!  IT'S FRICKIN FRIDAY!  As stated in my previous blog, Fridays should be entirely clear of morons.  However, as that is not the case, I shall continue my list of people who need to be tased and determine where they fall on the list of Dumb Asses of the Day.  I'll have to figure out how to rate these idiots.


Another enlightening phone call....


"Hi, I have an account with you. The account number is blah blah blah."


I pulled up the account, note that the insurance company left a copay and deductible and prepare myself for the endless list of excuses. I ask her to verify her name and DOB which she does with very little trouble (you would be surprised how many people have issues with this). Then she starts....


"This is actually workers comp."


Can I mention to you that the claim is from September?  As in from 7 months ago....as in we have been sending her bills for 6 months. So, I ask the stupidest question ever...."Ok, did you give this information to anyone at the time of service?"


Moron - "Well, no.  I didn't think I needed to give anyone all of that.  I just figured you guys would figure it out."


It is at this point that I ponder stabbing myself with my scissors but instead envision her being jolted with my phone taser. I say to her, very calmly I might add, "No, contrary to popular belief, we are not mind readers.  If you want us to bill someone other than the insurance you gave us at the time of service, you should probably let us know."


Moron - "Well you don't have to be all snippy about it." (Can you sense my eye rolling)


I got her stupid workers comp info and took care of it.  But SHEESH WTF?!?!?!  Seriously???  Yes, yes, you are a dumb ass.