I try to have a positive attitude on Tuesdays. I try to wake up believing it will be a good day. I make every effort for it to be a good day. I'm determined, however, that the fucking Tuesday fairy floats over my head dumping shit on me all day just to be an asshole. So, for your reading amusement - here are the assholes (or asshole things) pissing me off today...
1. I have a zit. I realize that doesn't seem like a huge issue, however I paid a flaming asston of money being on Acutane for a year and getting stabbed in the face to ensure that I would not have zits. It would be ok, except for the fact that it's the size of my right boob. So, I now have a third boob....only it's on my fucking face. AND that little fucking Tuesday fairy is really being a prick about it because I don't even have PMS. W.T.F.
2. Bill collectors are also assholes. My car payment is a couple days late. By a couple I mean "Oh shit, that was due 4 days ago and I just now remembered." I do not mean - it's been a few months. So, here's the thing, if my bill is past due, but not yet past the 10 day grace period....DON'T FUCKING CALL ME. Right, so I get to work this morning and there's a voicemail from this jackass in India who says "Dees message for Jommie K....k...k...Kayleena." WHO THE FUCK IS JOMMIE KAYLEENA?!?!? "You call me at....(insert some fucking number I didn't write down)." Whatever. Leave me alone - the check's in the mail moron. Hahahahaha, just kidding, he called me 3 hours later - pretty sure he said his name was "Joe." ^ _- Do I look fucking stupid? Your name is not Joe.
3. To make the day even better, someone "special" to me was kind enough to point out that I'm a fucking disgusting fat ass. I would like to extend a heart felt thank you....and by heart felt I mean....could you come here please so I can rip your "heart" out by way of your throat? Fuck you very much, have a nice day.
4. Do I need to discuss the extern? She's at least - AT LEAST - 500lbs....and she smells. Did I mention she sits in my office? FML
5. People who say they are fat and need to lose weight when they are perfect. Hey, asshole, guess what??? I hope you choke.
That's all for now. I'm sure I'll be back later.
1. I have a zit. I realize that doesn't seem like a huge issue, however I paid a flaming asston of money being on Acutane for a year and getting stabbed in the face to ensure that I would not have zits. It would be ok, except for the fact that it's the size of my right boob. So, I now have a third boob....only it's on my fucking face. AND that little fucking Tuesday fairy is really being a prick about it because I don't even have PMS. W.T.F.
2. Bill collectors are also assholes. My car payment is a couple days late. By a couple I mean "Oh shit, that was due 4 days ago and I just now remembered." I do not mean - it's been a few months. So, here's the thing, if my bill is past due, but not yet past the 10 day grace period....DON'T FUCKING CALL ME. Right, so I get to work this morning and there's a voicemail from this jackass in India who says "Dees message for Jommie K....k...k...Kayleena." WHO THE FUCK IS JOMMIE KAYLEENA?!?!? "You call me at....(insert some fucking number I didn't write down)." Whatever. Leave me alone - the check's in the mail moron. Hahahahaha, just kidding, he called me 3 hours later - pretty sure he said his name was "Joe." ^ _- Do I look fucking stupid? Your name is not Joe.
3. To make the day even better, someone "special" to me was kind enough to point out that I'm a fucking disgusting fat ass. I would like to extend a heart felt thank you....and by heart felt I mean....could you come here please so I can rip your "heart" out by way of your throat? Fuck you very much, have a nice day.
4. Do I need to discuss the extern? She's at least - AT LEAST - 500lbs....and she smells. Did I mention she sits in my office? FML
5. People who say they are fat and need to lose weight when they are perfect. Hey, asshole, guess what??? I hope you choke.
That's all for now. I'm sure I'll be back later.
Thanks to Facebook I missed this on Tuesday. I believe you have the right to ask for someone who speaks English. Maybe that's only if you call them though.
ReplyDeleteAs to the zit, do some fancy face painting and cover it up, give everyone your lovely face to discuss because the paint looks gorgeous.
Can't help you with the extern. Maybe something from Bath and Body Works on her desk? I don't know it's lent, you're paying it forward, you just hate the smell.
Thanks for the chuckles.