Stupid is as stupid says...

Ok, well, I'm annoyed, not that you couldn't have figured that out.  I ususally only blog like this when I'm annoyed.  The thing is, my annoyance is probably solely caused by my lack of sleep.  If you know me, you know I require 7-9 hours of sleep per night in order to be a decent human being.  Last week I averaged 5-6 then got a good 11 hours in Saturday night.  However, sleeping until 11 on Sunday makes going to bed at a decent hour Sunday night difficult - so the vicous cycle starts again - and I am in bitch mode.

My issue at the moment is people who say stupid stuff and think nothing of it.  Someone who will remain un-named (although it was no one that lives in my house, thankfully) made a snarky comment to me yesterday that initially annoyed me and now just flat out pisses me off.  This person basically said that he/she would not want to live if he/she was not fully functional. 

WTF does that mean?  I know what it meant, because I know what was being discussed prior to that and that's why I am pissed.  Are you saying that someone with a prosthetic leg is not fully functional?  Even though that person could potentially run a marathon, does that prosthetic leg make them not fully functional?  How about those who are deaf?  They are not fully functional?  Even though they can hold jobs just like you and I?  ARE YOU SAYING that my brother is not fully functional because he has one bum fucking arm?  Excuse me?  See, I was fine with it (ish) until it got a bit personal.  Who the hell are you to define what fully functional is?  Granted, I do not believe I know anyone with a prosthetic leg, I can tell you that my brother is fully functional - and one of the most amazing men I have ever known. 

Of course, due to the exhaustion, I haven't been able to let this go and it's still stewing.  I guess, my next question would be, so you're saying if you're not "fully functional" you would rather die?  Because you are so fucking vain, you would rather die than watch your kids graduate from high school?  Or get married?  What kind of person thinks like that?  Who values life so little to be willing to give it up because of an obstacle?

Life is full of obstacles.  I want to surround myself with people that will help me get over mine and I want to be there to help others get over theirs.  But I also want to surround myself with people who have compassion for those who are not "fully functional" and people who value the life we were given and live it to the fullest REGARDLESS of what is thrown at them.

K, I think I'm done.  Unfortunately, I'm still pissed.

As per the norm...

Ok, so I'm still in a (relatively) good mood, but I am also annoyed.  How does that work?  I'm not real sure, but it is what it is.  So I just finished the first class from hell - RES/341 (i.e. statistics).  I knew it was going to be bad from the start - they had to sucker us into thinking it was a different class for us to take it.  For future reference - Research and Evaluation = Statistics = RUN AWAY!!!!

Anyhoo, as mentioned in a couple of my other blogs, the way U of P online works is that basically we do independent studies and have a facilitator (= pseudo-teacher) to guide us along.  I've been doing this for almost 3 years and although I've had a couple facilitators that have been kind of a pain, this most recent guy makes them look like the best professors on the planet. 

I screwed up the last week of class.  We had to take a quiz.  We were then to email the results of the quiz to the facilitator and copy and paste the results into Word and submit it through the assignments forum.  Welllll, I emailed it but forgot to copy and paste.  The quiz was due Sunday. I did it (and emailed it to him) on Friday.  When I realized I screwed up, I sent him a message asking him if the emailed copy would suffice or if I should retake the quiz so that I could copy and paste. 

In hindsight, I should have just retaken the damn thing as I knew by this point that he was an idiot. However, I screwed up again and did not retake the quiz.  He never responded to me.  Class is over grades are posted.  My issue is that he gave me a 0 on the quiz.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!  I GOT A FRICKIN 93% ON THE DAMN QUIZ.  Ok, if you want to give me half credit for not following directions, fine.  But you're giving me nothing and not responding to my question?  BULL.SHIT.

So, being the "nice" girl that I am, I emailed him - and my advisor.  I pretty much let loose on him.  Here's the thing.  He's not a teacher - he's a facilitator.  His job is to help us achieve our goals - or just to make it through the class.  His JOB is to answer our questions.  Whatever.  I take full responsibility for screwing up to begin with.  Is it too much to ask for a response to a damn question?  The biggest problem?  It dropped me from an A- to a B+.  UN-ACCEPTABLE.

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And the bitching continues.  I'm pretty sure I've probably blogged about this before too, but it bears a repeat as I've had to experience an overload of it the past few days.

I know that I'm not beautiful.  I have pretty much come to terms with that.  What I don't get is why it is that creepers have to hit on me ALL THE DAMN TIME?!?!?!?!?!  (Not Phil - he doesn't count.  Nevermind that he doesn't hit on me anymore...just sayin;)

For example - we attended a Lugnuts game Saturday.  I walked away to get food and go to the bathroom.  While waiting to order, 3....hold on, I'm trying to come up with the correct terminology...k, I guess for lack of a better word...guys? came up to me.  I immediately begin texting in hopes that if I look bored and uninterested (which I was) that they would not speak to me.

My hopes are of course, dashed.  Guy one informs me that I have beautiful hair.  Really?  It's been drizzling and windy for 2 hours....my hair is not beautiful, it's a matted mess, thanks.  Guys two makes some remark about my ass which I also completely ignored.  Guy three says "I'd like to take you home to meet my mom."  At which point I am frantically texting a friend begging her to call me so I have some excuse to run screaming in the other direction.  She did.  (Thank you, Crystal). 

This is pretty common for me.  There is another guy at a location that will remain unnamed for now who tells me I'm beautiful and have beautiful eyes and other such nonsense frequently.  The flaw?  He frightens me - it's the teeth, I think...idk, he's just creepy - like creepy stalkerish.

So, please tell me why it is that only creepers hit on me?  Do I seriously have a creeper magnet or a neon-sign attached to me somewhere?  Gawd.  Yes, I realize I should just take the compliments and run with it, but to be honest, it sure doesn't feel like a compliment when I'm not really sure they can actually see me.  Know what I'm sayin?!?!?!

Unsung Heroes

I'm going to step away from the norm for a second here.  I usually rant about stupid people. I'm going to do a complete flip here.  I think that quite often there are unsung heroes in our lives that get very little, if any, recognition.


Easter Sunday I had the pleasure of eating dinner (a fabulous one, by the way) with some great people.  Among those great people was my friend's 86 year old grandmother.  She's quite a treat, I have to tell you!  Anyway, on the way home, I was thinking about my grandparents.  I tell my mom quite often (I think) how much I love and appreciate her.  I don't do that as much with my grandparents and I should. 


My grandparents helped raise me.  Some of my greatest memories are with my grandparents.  I used to spend weekends and weeks during the summer with them at their cabin.  My grandpa taught me how to fish and canoe.  They both attended just about every sporting/dance/music event that I was in.  My grandfather has long been my hero.  Since I grew up without a father, he was my surrogate.  He was everything a dad should be.  He loved me unconditionally - even when I screwed up.  He taught me how to use a hammer and encouraged me to build things.  He even let me paint the "spider house" that I built.  


My grandmother encouraged my intelligence.  She encouraged my reading and writing and also encouraged me in all of the sports that I did.  She carted me to multiple practices and girl scout meetings.  She has always been good for a hug.


That's not to say that we haven't had our differences. We've had some pretty big blow ups.  Those blowups, however, came when I was an "adult."  Meaning I was over 18, but had not yet learned to control my attitude and behavior.


These two people mean the world to me.  They have been there for me through EVERYTHING.  I have definitely been blessed to not only have my mom, but also my surrogate parents - grandma and grandpa.  I am a better person because of them.  Much of the advice that my grandmother gave me when I was young, I blew off.  I have learned to listen to what she says as she obviously knows what she is talking about. 


I love them with my entire heart and soul and hope that they know how much they mean to me.

Friend?

Whatever. People suck.  I know this seems to be a theme with my blogs, but it's the truth.  Today's sucky people are "friends." I'm not talking about real friends, I'm talking about those fake ass people that pretend to be your friends.  My mom used to call them "fair-weather friends."  Basically, those are the "friends" that are there for you when it's convenient for them.


Now, I know I can be accused of being just this kind of friend.  To some extent with some people, I am.  I know that, though.  The thing is, if you are really my friend - someone I can rely on, someone I can share things with, someone I love, then you know that I will do anything for you.  I am a bitch, but I love with all my heart - sometimes more than I should.


I'm annoyed with the people that you can spend months talking to daily.  You tell them damn near to everything.  You find that you have some things in common, but it doesn't matter that you're not exactly alike because you just like talking to them.  These are the people you think (and hope) will be a part of your life forever.  Then one day, it stops.  There may be a reason or there may not, but it stops.  They are "too busy" to talk to you. 


The reality of it is that they found someone new to talk to.  I have had the "blessing" of dealing with these types of people more than I care to admit.  One only had time for me when she was between boyfriends.  Another only had time for me if her other friend was busy.  Recently, one had time for me until they had an "epiphany."  Apparently, this epiphany dictated that we should no longer speak. BUT when around, that person expects me to speak to them as if everything was normal.  


What kind of crap is that?  You're either my friend or you're not.  Make up your damn mind.  Wait.  Scratch that, I just made up MY mind.  You're not.  Consider yourself "unfriended."


Bye.

More whining....

Right, so my issues today probably have everything to do with the fact that I'm exhausted. I know most people do not require 8 hours of sleep, and if forced to, I can function without, but I'm usually a bitch.  Well, this week I have managed to get 8 hours of sleep.....yeah, ummmm, not at all.  So, I'm bitchy and whiney.  First of all, there are people in my life - sort of in my life - that I continuously run away from.  Why? Because I can't handle the stress of allowing them to have an active part of my life.  I thought I had everything under control again - minimal contact (if any) = perfect.  Until I received a "surprise" the other day.  So, now I have to go through the "why can't said people accept me for who I am"  blah, blah, blah.

My house is a sty.  As in most pigs would not live in it the way it looks right now.  That annoys me.  But it's spring - we're never frickin home and when we are, all we want to do is sit and relax.

Then, there's my dumb ass dog that just decided to scratch my face and bite my arm.  *sigh*  I just want to go to bed.

Whining and complaining...

I had an epiphany the other day.  I had every intention of sharing it, however, as soon as it came to me, it was shot down.  So, I'll pass on sharing as I'm apparently not ready.  I realize that makes no sense, but whatever.


I've determined over the past few years that there are people in my life who with or without knowing it (I'm not sure which it is) hurt me.  These people cut me to the core and break me down to levels that I do not like.  These people are not ones that I can just cut out of my life.  It's not that easy.  The worst part is, I don't want them out of my life.  I will not tell who these people are, because it doesn't matter.  What does matter is this - be careful what you say to others.  Simple things like "your hair looks a little rough" to some may be no big deal - to people like me (i.e. incredibly insecure and self-concious) it hurts.  Commenting in one breath that you are feeling great and feel like you're looking great and in the next breath asking if the person you're talking to has gained weight - probably not going to go over well.


I know I need to have thicker skin.  I know I need to not let little things like this bother me.  I know that I should not care what others think.  I thought I was there.  I'm not.  Things like that hurt.  I have such a deep and utter self-hatred that little things like that just feed the fire.  No, I'm not suicidal or anything stupid like that.  I just don't like me.  


Moral of this blog - be careful what you say to others, you never know when what you say will break them down.

Frustration Central

Ah yes, another area where many will disagree with me.  And again - I don't much care.  I'm frustrated and annoyed with some of the sports programs here.  This will probably make me come off looking like I think my kid is the queen of the world.  That is not the case.  First of all, there's something in the water here that tends to make the kids slow and lazy.  Maybe that's parenting.  I don't know.  The kicker is, for other people's kids, that's fine.  Not for mine, though.


My kids have high aspirations.  Because of parenting?  Maybe.  My kids set high standards for themselves.  Because of parenting?  Maybe.  My kids have BIG dreams.  Because of parenting?  Maybe.  Here's the thing.  Meg is fast.  The kid can frickin run.  I was a runner in school and I was decent.  I wasn't the best, but I spent a lot of time near the top.  Meg is by far a better runner then I could ever have dreamed of being.  She wants to run.  She loves to run.  I ran because I didn't have anything else to do. 


She killed it in cross country.  She was fantastic.  We realized - as did her coach - that she has great potential.  Here's where we difer with the coach, though.  He doesn't feel the need to push - at all.  Well, let me tell ya something.  I coached her in gymnastics.  The kid will give you only what you ask for.  That's not to say she can't or isn't capable of more, but she's only going to give what she feels like giving in practice unless you push.  It's just who she is.  


Now we're into track season.  One coach wants her to focus on the 3200.  Obviously, she can run it and run it well.  Meg wants to do the mile, 400 and 800.  She has successfully kicked some behind on those events as well.  My thoughts - train her on all.  Why not?  What do you have to lose?  It's possible.  I did it.  It's not unheard of.  


Another frustration - Holt's track and cross teams start training WAY too late.  Then later in the season, the coaches wonder why they keep losing.  Well, East Lansing has been training for over a month.  Huh, I wonder why their kids are more prepared.


I want my daughter to obtain her goals.  I want to help her.  I want someone to give her a push.  If it has to be me, so be it.  I've done it before and I'll do it again.  The child is talented and can do so much more if given a little shove.