*sigh*

As per the norm with my blogs, I'm in a pissy mood.  I didn't go to work Monday because Meg was sick.  I realize she has Phil, but she wanted - actually cried for me.  I needed to be with her.  I didn't (technically) go to work yesterday - I was in a meeting for work all day in Novi.  So, today was my first true workday this week and it sucked big donkey ass.  Why?  Well, first of all, coming into work to a messy desk annoys the hell out of me.  I absolutely despise not getting my work finished and having a messy desk.  I need a neat and controlled workspace...that is not to say that my desk doesn't get nightmarishly scary while I work during the day, but I don't like to start out or leave that way. 

Second, I've been working out.  Why?  Because I'm a disgusting lard ass and I can't stand it.  So, I've, (literally) been busting my ass.  Yeah, anyways, so I went in this morning and did my normal weigh in...I GAINED 3 EMMER EFFING POUNDS.  Are you effing kidding me?!?!?!  This is why people stop trying.  I know, I know...you're not suppose to pay attention to the number on the scale, but I always have and probably always will.  So, the fact that I worked my ass for off for what seems to be nothing sorta put me in a bad ass mood.

THEN, we had a staff meeting...it appeared to go smoothly...no one overly pissy, etc.  Right, until afterwards when I noticed that someone truly was upset.  FML.

So, here I sit...annoyed with myself, annoyed with others, just annoyed in general.  I am so in need of a day of watching sappy movies that make me cry.

*sigh*

What's the point

So I might be a little frustrated.  Ok, in all honesty, it's not just frustration.  It's hurt and disappointed and a bit lost.  There's also a bit of feeling like the stupid little kid that doesn't know what she's talking about.  You know, the one that tells you she's going to be a rockstar when she grows up so you smile and say "ok honey" and roll your eyes the minute she walks away.

Right now, I'm that kid. I've always been a dreamer.  I wanted to be a famous dancer/olympic gymnast/rockstar/dance studio owner.  Somewhere along the lines, I got a few reality checks.  I'm not stupid.  I know what I'm capable of and I know when dreams are too far-fetched to come true.  Obviously, I'm not going to win the lottery, cure cancer, save Michigan's economy or be Queen of England.  I know that. I guess, though, even though some of my other dreams are big, I thought they were attainable.

Here's where the real Jamie starts showing her true colors.  I thought, even though it would take a lot of work and a lot of schmoozing I could do it.  I guess, maybe I was wrong.  Someone I care very much about doesn't get it.  Unfortunately, for me, I need that person to get it.  I need that person to be on board with me.  I can't do this without that person's full support.  Because that person doubts me - or because that person doesn't really see the need or the point, I doubt myself.  I guess that person is probably right, there's really no point and I probably couldn't make it work anyway.

So what do I do?  I'm back to square-fucking-one.  What the hell am I going to do with my life?  Spend the rest of my life as a medical biller not making enough money to support my family?  That's awesome.  There's nothing I want more out of life than to be a big fat fucking loser. 

Whatever.  I guess, if you look at the big picture, no one really gives a shit and it doesn't really matter.  And this way, I don't have to listen to all the nay-sayers...those that didn't think I was smart enough to pull it off anyways.

Excuse me while I go flush yet another stupid ass dream down the toilet.

Are you SURE it's Friday?

Ok, first of all, I'm not telling you this so you will feel bad for me.  It's more for your amusement as my "misfortune" is actually rather comical.  Later today, when I'm curled up on my couch, I'm sure I will laugh about it.  So, I'm not entirely convinced that it's Friday.  I'm DEFINITELY having a Monday.  I think I slept thru Friday and the weekend and today is actually Monday.  Pretty sure everyone is lying to me, cuz there is NO way anybody should have these kinds of things happne on a Friday.  It's just not done.

I got up at 6:50 a.m. today.  That's ok, right?  Yeah, it's ok if you don't have to be to work until 8.  But, if you're like me and have to be at work at 7, that's not so good.  I vaguely remember my alarm going off and I vaguely remember hitting the snooze.  I have absolutely no recollection of actually turning the alarm off, though.  Today, I am the definition of nasty.  I did manage to put on clean clothes and deodorant.  I did brush my teeth.  I cannot remember if I brushed my foul and disgustingly greasy hair, but I think I did.  I do not, however, have any make up on so let's hope I don't come across any small children or they will be scarred for life. 

Now, my getting up late wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that normally I wake Meg up on my way out.  Obviously, I did that, but it also put her behind.  Thankfully, she showers at night so she's at least nice and clean!  Oddly enough, she was in good spirits even though I woke her rather rudely.  On my way out the door, I stopped to half-jokingly inform Phillip that he is a piss poor back up alarm clock.  Although, in all fairness, it's really not his job to wake me up so I can't be mad at him!

I'm quite thankful that I had to stop to manually open the garage door.  Why?  Well, that's a blog for another day, suffice it to say, the fact that I had to open it saved me from running out into the driveway and falling on my ass.  I was smart enough to see the ice on my car and driveway.  I took a hesitant step and found that the driveway was in fact an ice rink so I chose to walk in the snow to my car.  I then had to yank the door open (and by yank I mean I now have a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder) to toss my crap in and grab the scraper.  I did the splits from the grass to the car so I could start it and hopefully thaw the 1/4 inch of ice on my windshield.

I'm sure glad no one felt the need to video tape my attempt at scraping the window.  Because the driveway was so slippery, I kept sliding.  I (finally) got smart and hooked a foot in front of the tire so I could keep myself in one place while attempting to find my windshield under the ice.  After almost busting the scraper, I gave up.  I walked into the garage, called the office manager and told her I was going to be late and asked how the roads were.  She said out her way they were fine.  FML.  Figures. By the time the windshield cleared, Meg was pushing being late for school.  So, I took her.  I managed to get her dropped off with no problems.

The roads were fine once I hit south Lansing.  So, I toodled on to work.  I figured I would park in the lot outside the building since I was so late.  WRONG. That dim-witted "rent-a-cop" was sitting in the guard booth waiting to tell me to get lost, I'm sure.  *sigh*  I'm parked in the ramp.  Got into the office and punched in at 7:38.  Nice, James, real nice.

I'm a creature of habit.  I have things that I do in a certain order every day.  This falls back into that OCD issue.  I don't like change and I don't generally deal with it well.  I did manage to get past that and got a bit accomplished.  I skipped breakfast this morning, and decided that I wanted to order out for lunch.  The girls agreed.  Sooooo, I decided to activate this dumb ass little visa debit card thingy.  EPIC FAIL. Just FYI, when you purchase one of these from Meijer, do not think that you can activate it and then go out and use it. NO NO NO.  That is not how it works.  You have to activate it on some automated system that of course does not understand you when you spell your last name K-L-I-N-E four times and then disconnects you because of their "high call volume."  Again, FML.  When I finally managed to get the damn thing activated, I found out I now have to wait 7-10 days for them to deliver the "real" card.  Well, WTF am I holding in my hand then you jack wagons?!?!?!?  What.ever.

Thankfully, I had my credit card with me so we're still good for lunch.  We picked the restaurant and I called to place the order.  Easy enough, right?  WRONG - you seem to forget that I'm a Kline and Kline's have the absolute worst luck.  Right, so apparently, special delivery no longer delivers for the restaurant we picked.  Have I mentioned, FML?  FUH-INE.  Instead I'm eating nasty hospital french fries and pondering the rest of this day.

It is now 11:37 a.m.  I have been awake for about 5 hours and really wish I had stayed in bed.  Happy Friday!!!!!  :)